so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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