I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize