he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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