At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize