best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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