Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize