I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize