WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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