UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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