maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just puked most of my soul out..
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