so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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