I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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