I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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