Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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