she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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