My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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