Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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