I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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