you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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