do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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