You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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