No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize