it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize