i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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