Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
smell my finger.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
being pregnant is like rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize