these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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