I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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