never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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