Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize