I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So squirting runs in the family.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize