umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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