I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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