There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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