so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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