Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize