were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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