I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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