omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
