lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize