i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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