Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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