Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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