You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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