Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am naked and annoyed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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