i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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