Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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