Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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