i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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