You surviving the open bar?
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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