we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize