I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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